Would You Marry a Sinner?

Since the advent of this blog, several people have asked me (some maliciously, some kindly) a relevant question about what a commitment to purity means to me. The question goes something like this: Would you marry an impure woman? Or to rephrase it: Does my firm stance against personal impurity lead me to reject any sort of impurity in a future spouse?

The Purpose for Purity

I think this question is very important because how we answer it defines what we believe and why we value purity anyway. People have told me over the past few months that I’m just a religious fanatic for pushing this “purity-gospel.”

“Purity is not all that it’s cracked up to be,” they tell me, “You can still have a horrible marriage even after living a good life.”

The truth is that they are absolutely right. You can follow everything that the Bible, Leslie Ludy, or I say about chastity and still never reach happily-ever-after. I also firmly believe that if I decide that I will only settle for a pure wife, they are right about me too; I probably am just a religious fanatic. Here’s why.

The difference between what I’m saying and what those naysayers think I’m saying is this: I don’t think of purity as an end. Purity is only a means. If you think of purity as your ultimate goal or trophy, then you will be sadly disappointed. Purity needs an end that justifies it as a means.

Purity is not about purity

You and I have a reason for purity that the world often doesn’t have. We have a purpose and a reason for making this sacrifice! It’s a reason that makes all the difference. The reason is this: purity is not about purity. Purity is about love! Purity is something that doesn’t have much value unless you have love as the reason for it. The reason I stay pure is because I love my future wife enough to stay pure for her.

Often, when Paul would leave one of the newborn churches he had planted, a group of Judiazers would follow behind him to give the church their own message. Where Paul had shared the good news of Jesus, they would come along and preach Jesus plus circumcision. In the same way that circumcision is a useless addition to Paul’s message, purity without love is a legalism and loses most of its worth. If our purity has no purpose, we are no better than the circumcision-touting Jews.

Circumcision did have a purpose however. Abraham believed God and was declared righteous before he was ever circumcised. Circumcision was a symbol of Abraham’s dedication and a symbol of the covenant Abraham made with God. Circumcision gained its significance from Abraham’s love and dedication to God. So it is with purity. On its own, it probably will just make you frustrated. When coupled with a love for God and your future spouse, it can be one of the most satisfying commitments in the world.

So, back to the question

I don’t stay pure so I can marry the perfect woman so we can have a perfect marriage. I stay pure because I love the woman I’m going to marry. If God shows me the right woman and I refuse her because she had an impure past, then I basically stayed pure for a selfish ideal. My purity wouldn’t have been so I could give my whole self to her. It would have been so I could have the same standard that I demand that she give me. I don’t stay pure to be fair. I stay pure because I believe she deserves the best I can give even if she doesn’t give the same thing to me.

So, the short answer to the question is that I’m going to marry the person God has for me, even if she regrets her past. Would God have me do that? I think so. My favorite example is Joshua Harris. Joshua is one of the most respected authors on the subject of purity, yet he married a woman who regrets her early life. Several months into their relationship, she truthfully told him that before she became a Christian, she had lost her virginity. Was their marriage a sin? Absolutely not. If Christ indwells her, she stood at the altar righteous before God.

God had Hosea the prophet marry a prostitute as an example of Jesus and His bride the church. Jesus’ actions are the greatest answer to this question. We, in our sin, have made ourselves adulterers to the gods, idols, and passions of this world. Yet Christ still chooses us.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). When looking at it through God’s pair of glasses, one sin is no different than another. God doesn’t look at lying as any less serious than promiscuity. If I were to decide to never marry an impure person, following this same line of logic, I could not conscientiously marry a liar. To be consistent, I must marry a sinless person. If I continue down this road, I set myself up as if I were a sinless person (which is something that I am not, in case you are wondering). As appalling as it may seem, marriage is two sinners being joined together no matter what those sins were.

Practically Speaking

Now don’t get me wrong. I still believe that marriages will have fewer rough spots if both the husband and wife are pure. I’m still going to be very cautious in choosing a wife, especially if she was once impure. In Joshua Harris’ case, he had already “researched” his wife. Several months into their courtship when she told him about her past life, he knew her well enough to know that she would not carry that old life with her anymore.

Also, please understand that I take this very seriously. I won’t be jumping into marriage without serious forethought and advice, even if I don’t have to deal with this problem. I admit, I do have certain things that I desire in my wife, and purity is one of them. I pray that she has saved herself for me. But of far greater importance is this; a mutual love for God and a love for each other. As for all the other details, I will leave those up to God.