Honoring my Wife...Today

I’ve been spending all of January preparing for the 2010 speech and debate season. The following is a speech I will be presenting this Thursday and Friday. You’ll notice that the intro says some of the same stuff my first post did but I thought I’d just post the speech in its entirety. When I speak it, it clocks in at about ten minutes, so keep this in mind before you begin reading. Also note that it’s written in speech form, so it might not read as well as if it had been written as a post. Enjoy.

Honoring my Wife...Today
A few years ago I found out that I had a new found interest: girls. Now, don’t worry, this is not going to be the topic of this speech. To be more specific, I’m interested in how men and women should interact before marriage. Several years ago, I started on a journey of soul searching, Bible study, and reading of authors on the subject. I won’t be able to explain all that I’ve discovered, but I want to talk about one area of purity that is particularly convicting to me. The foremost idea that helped to formulate my view of purity is the idea that I can love my wife today even though I have no idea who she is. I want to discuss the fact that she’s alive, how I can honor her today, and finally the reason I honor her.

She’s alive!
A basic idea came to my head one day: If God has marriage in my future, then my wife is actually out there, somewhere in the world right now. I still don’t know if this is a revolutionary idea, or one I should have figured out long ago. I learned about this even more from Eric Ludy in the book When God Writes Your Love Story.
“For the first time in my life, I was beginning to realize that if God’s plan and purpose for my life really was marriage, then the person I was going to one day marry was most likely somewhere on this great planet. And right at that moment she was doing something! I was swallowed up in one gigantic thought: She’s alive!
I wonder what she is doing? Then it hit me.
She’d better not be with a guy!
My mind was filled with a grotesque picture of some geekish Val Kilmer look-alike slinking his arm snakelike around my future wife’s shoulder and whispering with his disgusting voice, “Doesn’t the moon look peachy , babe?
Then, as if if could get any worse, I imagined this sweet talking turkey puckering his unbridled and oversized lips and…kissing my future wife!
My lips twisted into a crazed snarl, and my eyes boiled with fury. My right hand formed a pulsating fist and smacked my open lift hand with savage force. I was ready to kill this guy! He was touching something that was solely mine.” (Ludy 99-100)
Eric goes on to finish the scene perfectly.
“In a way only God can, He nudged my heart and slipped me a little note.
This imaginary note read, ‘You desire purity in your wife, don’t you?
‘You better believe it, I do!” I trumpeted in response. “I want my wife to be pure!”
‘That’s great!” the note continued. ‘I’m glad you are interested in purity. I’m quite a fan of it Myself!”
It was then that I learned the life-lesson.
‘Just think! If you desire purity in your wife, how much more do you think she desires purity…in you?’”

What it looks like?
After coming to the realization that she is out there, I decided that I should try to honor her in every way I can and in two areas specifically: in both the physical and emotional realms. This means refraining from any sort of physical impurity and a commitment to not give my heart to just anyone who comes along. My basic rule for myself is to not do or be anything to any lady that I wouldn’t do or be if I was married already. Here’s what it looks like in life.
In the physical realm, the most common Christian teaching that we hear is for abstinence before marriage. I completely agree with and implement this in my life. But often people follow this rule and think that they have their bases covered. I think that we need to go a little deeper. When Paul speaks to the church at Ephesus in Ephesians 5:3 he says “But among you there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.”(The NIV Study Bible, Eph 4:32) Not even a hint! I think that far too many young people hint at immorality every day with their actions even if they never “go all the way.” So to stay in line with Ephesians 4:32 I think there is a simple question we can ask. When I’m around women I ask myself “Would I act like this if my wife was in this room watching me?” If I can’t answer in the affirmative, my guess is that I’ve crossed the line.
We can treat our hearts in much the same way. I’m sure that you’ve noticed that guys and girls have a great desire for an emotional connection with each other. I see my peers getting paired up all the time. But as a whole, the majority of serious teenage relationships don’t end in marriage. And that’s where the trouble is. The human heart is a fragile thing. After just a few heartbreaks, it will become callous and more reserved in order to make the next heartbreak less painful. And a callous heart is a heart that cannot give itself entirely to anyone. Proverbs 4:23 states “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”(The NIV Study Bible, Prov 4:23) So in order to guard my heart and save it for my wife, I’ve decided to never give my heart to anyone but her. I’ve decided to only ever have one girlfriend; my wife.

A Commitment Today
I’ve only scratched the surface of what I learned on my soul searching journey. Ten minutes is not enough time to even begin hashing out God’s will for Christ-centered guy-girl relationships. I’ve just shared with you the reason that has been the most convincing and encouraging to me.
I’ll conclude by sharing a revelation God gave me. In the same way that God nudged Eric Ludy earlier, he did the same to me. After many months of studying God’s will on purity God asked me what I was going to do with the information.
It kind of reminded me of the end of a VeggieTales movie where Bob looks at Larry and asks, “Ok Larry, what did we learn today?” God did the same thing to me. “Ok Ben, what did you learn today, and more importantly, what are you going to do with it? I think if I could break down God’s nudge into the words of a conversation, this is what it would sound like.

“Ben, you agree with me that these humans that I made called females are very attractive people?”

“I do.”

“But you realize the damage that you can cause if you misuse their bodies in any way?
“I do.”

“So, do you promise not to lay your hands on any woman who is not your wife in any that will compromise her, and that you will protect your body for your wife alone?”

“I do.”

“Ben, you realize, just like I have, that there is great pleasure in an intimate, emotional relationship with these young women I’ve created?”

“I do.”

“But you understand that any emotional intimacy on your part prior to marriage will detract from that woman’s intimacy with me and her future husband?”

“I do.”

“Do you promise not to have any romantic relationships with young women, and that you will reserve your heart for your wife alone?”

“I do.”

“And in everything that you do, do you promise to stay true to your wife knowing that every part of your life will one day belong to her?”

“I do.”

It slowly dawned on me that these words were vaguely familiar. “I, Ben, take you,…” I had heard something that sounded a lot like this before. “…to have and to hold from this day forward…” In fact, I’d heard words like that several times before. “…to love and to cherish…” Oh, of course I knew where this was from! “…till death do us part.” The questions I was answering sounded strangely similar to marriage vows. And suddenly if hit me that they were marriage vows in almost every way, shape, and form. They had all the basic premises. Love your wife and no one else. Is that just a weird coincidence or what? I don’t think so. Think about it, nothing that I am going to say to my wife at the altar has to start at the altar. Right now, it is within my power to promise her my whole self for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live. For as long as we both shall live! That time begins now. That time doesn’t start the minute I kiss the bride. I’m supposed to cherish her for as long as we both shall live. Even though I might not meet my wife for another five or ten years, I can still promise her everything that I will promise when I can see and touch her in person.
So there, alone, by myself with only God as a witness, I made vows to the woman of my dreams who for me only exists as a dream. And who knows, maybe at the same time, somewhere across the stretches of space, some special young woman did the same thing for me.