The Story
Several years ago I began writing a letter to my wife. Rather than just being a romantic promise of my eternal faithfulness, the letter ended up comprising all of the practical advice I knew about men. I outlined everything I knew about boys and men in regards to how they view women, purity, modesty, love, romance, relationships, femininity, dating and the like.
Ironically, as most of you know, I am only 18 years old and still have no idea who my wife is. This letter was written to a woman who is a complete mystery; a woman who I keep praying actually exists. This letter contained all of the information that I would tell her about pre-marriage purity if I knew her right now. After completing this letter, it sat untouched in my desk.
After several weeks, the letter began to weigh on my mind. What good did that information do anyone if nobody saw it until after my honeymoon? By then, this information would be useless to my wife-to-be. I had to get this letter to her now, in some way, shape, or form. I concluded that the only way to show it to her was to show it to everybody in the whole world. And the only way to do that, I figured, would be to write a book. And so began the long task of writing a book.
The book is nearing the end of its first draft. Even so, I recently realized that it would not be in its finished state for several months. Several weeks ago, I had another one of my “ah ha” moments when I realized that if I wanted to get the message out sooner I would need a quicker method. So, here I am, on the World Wide Web blogging about one of the last subjects you would expect a guy like me to blog about and yet enjoying it immensely.
Who am I?
My name is Ben Simon. I am a homeschooled 18 year old. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. I enjoy writing, acting, entrepreneurship, studying purity, and now blogging. The above story is true in its entirety. I am in the process of writing a book of everything I would tell my wife about boys and how to have pure yet enjoyable relationships with them. It is everything that I would tell any Christian girl if I could summon up the courage to talk about it. That is also why I am starting this blog. I know that if the Christian girls around me knew everything that I know about guys (I am generally accepted as an expert in that area) their lives would be easier and more pleasing to God, and it would be much easier for them to live pure lives.
The Book
I learned early in my teenage years that there are three major areas that women affect men: by their Femininity, their Heart (Emotions), and their Body. These are what I think of as the three rings of power. The goal of this book is to cover these topics in a straight forward, matter of fact way. I consciously make an effort to refrain from being judgmental or legalistic and just stick with the facts (in a romantic, enjoyable kind of way). What it amounts to is a non-denominational (yet slightly radical) guys-eye view of relationships with the opposite sex and what a girl can do about staying as pure as possible.
The question you may be asking is why do I have any right to advise girls about purity? Ironically, being an adolescent male, I am actually a member of the main group of people (men) that stands in the way of single young women achieving purity. The answer to the question is twofold. Firstly, I know the facts. If you want to know what clothes are immodest you should naturally want to see it from a guy’s point of view. If you want to know how to enjoy undefiled friendships with the young men in your circle, you want to know their mindset. If you want to exude the highest level of femininity ask the person who notices it the most. Ask a guy. I represent the unique and important viewpoint of all the young men that you will meet in your life. In the real world, you will rarely find an honest, Godly guy to ask. If you don’t have a trustworthy brother or father to answer your questions, hopefully this blog and this book can be the next best thing. Secondly, I have a vested interest in your success. The more young women there are in the world who are dedicated to absolute purity, the fewer impure temptations there will be for me. Because I’m passionate about my purity, I’m passionate about yours.
The Message
After this introduction to my message and intent, I hope I can jump right into posting and see where the Lord leads from there. Before I do that, let me give you a little taste of what you will be seeing.
Femininity (not to be mistaken with feminism): The more I see of it, the more I have found that femininity (and the lack thereof) is what rules the world. Eric Ludy writes in the book Authentic Beauty that the level of masculinity in the world is directly proportional to the level of femininity. Feminine women mold masculine men. I know as a fact that behind every great man is an even greater woman. I also know young women fail to see the immense power of simple femininity and it is often thrown by the wayside in pursuit of more worldly attitudes.
Emotional Purity: I am opposed to recreational dating because it compromises the purity of our hearts. I believe that it is just as important for young adults to protect their emotional purity as it is to protect their physical purity. Although I agree with most of the concepts of courtship, I am not going to try to teach or explain courtship until I get a chance to test it out myself. While I think that courtship is more than likely the best mindset to have for finding a spouse, I’m not looking for a spouse right now. I need a way to stay emotionally pure even when I am not trying to get married. So I shy away from labeling myself as a court-er and just consider myself an emotional purity fanatic with some very distinct views on the subject.
Physical Purity: When it comes to the issue of modesty, I realize that I am walking on precarious ground. I have heard it said, “Men are hypocritical. They only talk about modesty in regards to ladies and never bring it up about themselves.” My response: “When you write a book about male physical modesty let me be the first to know. I will gladly read it with an open mind.” Until then, I will keep sharing my point of view on how I am affected by immodesty and the negative effects that that has on the women who parade it. The truth is not too frightening and some of it may be very encouraging to you (trust me, I am not going to ask you to wear nun’s clothes the rest of your life).
In conclusion…
In the end I do not expect anyone to agree with everything I say. But please remember this: I am not doing this to build my own kingdom or following. If that was my goal I could find much more popular and acceptable topics to write about. No, my driving motivation is this: If I can make one young lady’s trip to the marriage altar easier or more beautiful, then I will have accomplished my purpose. And if that young lady happens to be my future wife, then I will be truly blessed.
Yours In All Purity, Ben
